My heart breaks for you. You've suffered from so many abusive acts against you. You've been a victim of physical, emotional & sexual abuse. I know that your pain runs deep & your feelings of despair overwhelm you. Just when you think you've gained some sense of control someone has despised you & rejected you. If they only knew you were seeking desperately to gain control of the powerlessness taken by many. To gain back control becomes the only goal in mind. I know you want to numb the pain, so you take one more pill, do one more line, drink one more drink. Nothing seems to work because the next day comes, and your feelings you've stuffed for years are still there. You've even tried the religious road for freedom by picking yourself up by your bootstraps, hide the tears, & do good . Work harder, do more, & get ahead successfully. Yet, the pain is deep, & the shame is deeper. If only someone knew, & understood the desperation and anguish within. Unfortunately, the only way you feel a sense of empowerment is to withhold your voice. As you keep running a million miles in the wrong direction, you rarely respond to a Father's call to freedom. The trenches of sin run deeper ingrained in your soul while your Spirit stays squelched by the sickness in your heart. The need to be loved unconditionally. The need to be understood. The need to be heard. The need to heal from sexual abuse from many offenders. How are you standing? How are you wearing the mask that everything is ok? When will you stop & surrender for healing? You're not alone, you're not alone.
I know someone else who was despised & rejected, Who felt anguish & abandonment. He knows every tear you've cried. Every act to numb the pain, & yet you don't believe He would die for someone like you. The fact is, He knew everything you'd do, & died for you anyway. His grace is bigger than your hurt. His healing is more than you can fathom. He can bring you to life. Instead of white knuckling everyday, you can live in freedom. You can rest in His mercy & grace. He's capable of giving you immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine. The man you've been frantically searching for to save you from this pain & all the hurt you've suffered, is this man named Jesus.